


crawling back to you

by starfleetbanana



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: 5+1 Things, Blow Jobs, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Praise Kink, post trk, they're so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 07:49:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8048275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfleetbanana/pseuds/starfleetbanana
Summary: five times Adam goes to Ronan and one time Ronan goes to him.





	crawling back to you

**Author's Note:**

> Because I needed a 5+1 with oblivious Adam, and then Adam being so in love with Ronan, and praise kink, tbh.

_one_

 

It’d been a while since Adam had decided to start practicing other methods of scrying. He tried star scrying but the sky was too big and he felt like the darkness would swallow him whole if he looked for too long. The universe was too much and he felt like nothing. Every star burnt hot and he was made of ice, he was so fucking cold.

Then he tried finding a method that was closer to what he was used to. Persephone gave him a mirror under Mara’s scowl who insisted he could do just fine with his cards and a bowl of water. The mirror was covered in black paint. He couldn’t see his reflection and it made him feel so much better about his uncertainty. Blue shrugged sitting on the counter across from him, not letting her worry show.

Adam understood mirrors had caused way too many problems for the women in 300 Fox Way, but that didn’t necessarily mean it’d be bad for him too, after all, his standards were different. He trusted Persephone and though she herself didn’t like mirrors either, the cards were sure it’d help him understand what made Adam feel so restless. Adam wasn’t so sure he wanted to understand, though.

Cabeswater made him feel like he was unravelling, and he didn’t want to know the hidden part of himself. He knew deep inside of him Robert Parrish’ anger and pride stained his good intentions. He didn’t want to see that in a mirror. Cabeswater had already showed enough and he knew he couldn’t deal with the rest of it.

He walked out of Blue’s house with her voice behind. When he got into the Hondayota, Noah appeared next to him. Adam liked his company, he was usually quiet when he was with him, or telling jokes and sharing curious facts that distracted him of what the forest was doing to his body.

“You should sleep” Noah suggested looking at him. He was exhausted, actually, but he didn’t let Noah’s words get to him even though he was right -Noah was always right, he knew too much-. “It’d help you a lot with that magician thing” He continued gesturing with his hands.

Adam nodded, chewing on his lip. By the time he got to St. Agnes Noah had already disappeared.

He went through the list of things he had to do for the next day. He didn’t have a lot homework and probably he’d have time to do what Cabeswater had been asking for the last eight days. Every time he went to bed he felt someone’s touch on the nape of his neck. It did no longer freak him out even though at first he’d believed it was Noah being an asshole, and he’d learnt to interpret Cabeswater’s messages even if most of the time they felt like something else.

He went up the stairs, sat on his bed and took a second to relax, something he’d learnt from Ronan. His room smelled of rain and the whisper of the trees felt so surreal in his ears. He could hear the forest calling him even with his deaf ear.

He forgot how to breathe for a moment when he opened his eyes and his room was the same old tiny place he’d woken up in. It was confusing, but then everything around him was confusing and it seemed okay.

Adam went through his backpack to find Persephone’s gift. He held it in his shaking hands and took a few deep breaths before deciding what he’d do with it. He’d have to listen and see eventually, he’d have to let the darkness turn him into light to know what he was meant to do.

All his life he’d known what he wanted. It was always too much, always something or someone he couldn’t have. He’d had to learn his place and Robert had made sure he understood what he was made for, though Adam was absolutely certain he was more than the ten different variations of insults that basically meant “useless piece of shit”. He wasn’t Gansey, he wasn’t smart or charming. He wasn’t Ronan because he didn’t have his strength and he simply didn’t get how to be him. He wasn’t Blue because he meant nothing, but he wasn’t Noah either, which meant he was alive and if there was something stronger than Adam’s willpower it was his survival instinct.

 Cabeswater was trying to teach him how to let go. Adam wasn’t keen on the idea of not having a choice, but he’d have to trust himself because he was the magician, whatever that meant. He couldn’t believe the psychics at Blue’s understood more about his role than himself.

He tried to breathe deeply again, focusing on the way his body felt -from the fabric of his shirt, to the tie choking him a bit and his tensed back muscles. He remembered the taste of blood in his mouth, the ringing in his ears, Ronan’s eyes on his and all the words he hadn’t said out loud because he was too scared to exist in front of the rest of the world.

The thought of Ronan’s tattoo made him blush for a second because he knew all its details. He thought of Chainsaw’s feathers, the black paint on the mirror reflecting his thoughts as he stared unblinkingly at it. He felt his body move but he, himself, felt trapped in that reduced space. The back of the mirror was cold and now it felt heavier than it had before, maybe because his body was doing nothing more than waiting for him to come back. It was weird how that didn’t scare him.

Scrying usually helped him see what the forest needed him to do. Sometimes it was getting things out of the way, talking to the psychics or ‘going on an adventure’, like Blue said. Most of the times it included walking in the middle of the night to weird places outside of Henrietta. But this time it was different.

The first thing he saw was the brightness of the Camaro outside Monmouth, which meant Gansey had to be there. He didn’t want his friends to have anything to do with the forest because it meant they were an obstacle, but it wasn’t exactly that.

In a second the Camaro disappeared in front of his eyes and he heard Gansey and Blue’s voice saying “see you later” as Noah waved good bye. It was too mundane not to be a waste of his time, he thought.

Then, he saw the BMW. Ronan’s undeniable presence made him realise he’d walked into his room, but this Ronan seemed too soft to be him. He was asleep, his head resting on top of too many pillows. He could see the lines of his tattoo curling around his neck and stood there for what felt like a million years.

When he was scrying time didn’t have a meaning, when he wasn’t it meant exhaustion and 30 hours long days. When Ronan was there, whatever he thought was a normal conception of time hit him hard.

When he decided to move it was dark outside and Ronan was mumbling something into his pillow. He stood still on the threshold. He was dreaming, probably bringing something back with him since a weird shape had started forming underneath the blankets. He hoped it was something that would help him understand why he was seeing that side of Ronan in one of his visions.

He felt relief wash over him when Ronan’s body relaxed again and whatever was under the bed didn’t move. Ronan would wake up soon and if he said something in Latin he was fucked, because he hadn’t picked up the Latin book in a while.

Ronan stirred and yawned with his eyes still closed. He still had a grip on whatever he’d brought from his dreams and he examined it with hooded eyes. Adam couldn’t see what it was, but after Ronan had opened its container, a glass box, he saw something metallic and it sort of looked like a key. Adam wondered if it’d work at all.

“Adam?” He asked sleepily. Adam didn’t say anything in return. He blushed because he’d been staring at a sleeping Ronan for probably more than an hour and looked outside, searching for the stars to distract him. He found nothing. All of it was black and it made him feel like he was choking on the same oil that stained his work clothes.

Suddenly he was back at St. Agnes. The mirror in front of him seemed incredibly mundane and boring after the vision had stopped and he cursed under his breath because nothing made sense. Cabeswater had too many things to say.

His phone vibrated on his desk. According to it it was two in the morning and he had ten missed calls from Gansey. He’d probably found something new and he was too excited to think of Adam’s unwillingness to help him. Adam had given enough of himself already, but he still called back.

Gansey picked up after a few seconds. He always did that just to add tension to the situation even when he had his phone in his hands. It pissed Adam off because it was the only person who could do that without looking obnoxious. “How were you here?” He asked sounding confused. “Nevermind, Ronan wants to talk to you”.

“Why doesn’t he use his own phone?” Adam asked. He yawned remembering Ronan in his vision.

“Because I hate phones, Parrish” Ronan answered. Gansey was bickering right next to him, but he guessed Ronan was walking away since he could no longer understand what he was saying. “Remember when you said you needed to get a key to your shit apartment so the lady from downstairs wouldn’t be an ass to you every time you got there at shit in the morning?”

Adam was sure he’d worded that in a very different way but he did remember.

“Guess who got you a key!” Noah shouted and it made his good ear hurt a bit. He laughed at Noah’s cursing after Ronan’s threats.

Adam thought it was stupid, because he wanted to ask the so called “downstairs lady from St. Agnes” to get him a copy of the key since his shifts were too irregular and he didn’t want to be a bother. “Thanks” He said nevertheless.

“Gansey said I was there?” Adam asked in a whisper sounding so weak and scared because the confirmation would make him unreal.

“No” Ronan hung up without giving him a proper answer and Adam wondered if it was the same key he’d seen in his vision. He was too tired to think whether he’d been trying to reach Ronan or if he’d simply seen it before it happened. He asked the universe to please, _please_ help him understand how Ronan felt so real when he was so impossible.  

_two_

When he finished his shift instead of getting himself cleaned up the first thing he did was sit on the Hondayota and try his hardest to make the panic go away. He couldn’t remember how he’d been able to get into the car without having a mental breakdown right then and there, but then again when he felt like he could breathe he couldn’t remember where he was.

His eyes were watery and he was walking as fast as he could but he couldn’t get his legs to stop shaking. He’d left the car behind when he’d noticed he couldn’t drive anymore. He’d been okay for about ten minutes, outside of his body as his mind wondered on Cabeswater, but now he was there, barely feeling the rest of his body. His heartbeats were so loud it was hard to focus on what he was looking for, but he wasn’t sure where to go.

He wasn’t dreaming, he wasn’t having a vision and instead of helping him, that knowledge made panic get a stronger grip on his brain. He looked around him, but Henrietta looked so different in the dark he wasn’t sure it’d help at all to see his little town looking even more dead.

The silence was so heavy he thought he’d lost his hearing completely but then he heard a familiar voice behind him. He was crying when he turned around.

Ronan was slowly jogging toward him looking at him curiously. He knew his sleeping schedule wasn’t exactly regular since he fit sleep in his scarce free time, but Adam wasn’t the kind of person who’d walk in the middle of the road looking lost just for the kicks of it. Ronan knew something was wrong even before he saw the tears streaming down his face.

He didn’t touch him, but he made sure he was following him and, at least, tried to calm him down on their way to Monmouth, a block away. His body had taken him there knowing he’d find some sort of support, he didn’t know if Cabeswater had meant emotionally or physically, but he was glad Ronan was there, his piercing blue eyes slowly pulling him back into reality. It was paradoxical how a boy who brought dreams into the real world made him feel like he existed.

“Sit down, Parrish” He said trying to look unaffected by Adam’s inability to come back to himself. He’d no idea how he was even moving. Ronan’s hand on his knee grounded him a bit, his legs stopped shaking with the strength of his grasp.

There was no way Adam would ever get accustomed to Cabeswater not asking for permission to take his body. He wasn’t ready for any of it but that wouldn’t stop things from happening, being scared wouldn’t stop Gansey from finding his king, his crying wouldn’t stop Ronan from having nightmares.

 “What the hell happened to you?” Ronan asked not out of curiosity but out of the need of having Adam’s focus. He wasn’t good at people, but he was good at _getting Adam._ None of them had no idea how, since they didn’t talk a lot except to bicker at each other, but that was how their friendship seemed to work out of the emotional traumas each of them had.

Adam heard his breathing hitch because _he didn’t know, he couldn’t remember any of it_ and it hurt so much to feel so lost and out of control when he calculated each one of the things he did -his accent, the words he used, his steps, every single minute he wasted looking at Ronan-.

“Sleepwalking” He whispered. His voice sounded broken and he was so embarrassed his accent slipped he didn’t dare talk louder. Ronan waited for an explanation of some sorts which seemed out of character to him, but maybe just this one time, at that time of the morning where everything felt surreal, he could let himself feel in front of someone else “Cabeswater, I think”.

Ronan nodded and pressed his fingers harder into Adam’s legs. It hurt, but it also felt like the only thing holding him together.

Ronan chewed on his lower lip as he examined Adam. He blushed because he knew he was dirty and sweaty from work, Ronan looked beautiful and so unique next to him and he looked like nothing, covered in dirt and bruises and so much fear hiding the truth behind his hooded eyes. He wanted to make himself shrink because he knew he was taking too much space on the sofa. He wanted to disappear because Ronan was finally acknowledging him as an entire person separated from Gansey’s quest and it was overwhelming.

“When I saw you like that I thought I’d dreamt you” Ronan said lowering his gaze and looking at the bruises that covered Adam’s arms. _Cabeswater,_ he told himself trying to stay calm. “You looked like a nightmare, though. I mean, you always do”.

Adam smiled weakly because he believed it despite he knew it was a joke. He’d been told again and again he was nothing and he’d believed that for so many years in his worse days he still had a hard time accepting Adam Parrish deserved to be loved too. Even if Ronan’s friendship wasn’t love per se.

“Thanks for the honesty” He answered folding his arms over his chest. Ronan simply nodded next to him before patting his thigh and standing up. He offered him a hand Adam didn’t take. “Where are we going?”

He didn’t want to know. He didn’t exactly want to go anywhere but if Ronan trusted him enough to take him somewhere in the middle of the night he’d do it just for the sake of getting to know him better. Adam was exhausted, as always, his body and mind felt useless as he went into the BMW. He remembered his car was supposed to be somewhere near Monmouth and he hoped as soon as he found it he could get out and run as far away as he could from Ronan before he was too close, but he knew he wouldn’t.

They ended up outside the Barns, with Adam inside the car trying to fall asleep after he’d lost the battle to Ronan’s music volume and Ronan too overwhelmed by the memories of his home to even try to open the door of his car.

 

_three_

Adam didn’t know if it counted or not. He should’ve asked at some point but he wasn’t good at awkward questions and he’d no idea how love was supposed to work. It was weird he even used that word when it was nothing, just a couple of kisses and hands desperately holding onto each other. _Fuck._

He’d asked the cards, he’d stared into his black mirror until he’d fallen asleep to get an answer, but nothing had worked. Later he’d asked Blue, but she’d shrugged saying she didn’t know Ronan enough to know what the shit he said and did meant. Ronan was a puzzle to everybody, but it was even more complex to him since Ronan had told him he liked him. He didn’t even get how after seeing him torn to pieces Ronan had decided he was okay with it.

He didn’t know if Gansey or Noah knew either. Noah probably did know, since the fucker knew everybody’s secrets, but he wouldn’t use that to hurt anyone. Adam believed Noah was the best person he’d known in his entire life, but then _that didn’t count_ because he was dead. He didn’t have the slightest idea whether he was making a good call or not that night but he decided he had to take a risk.

Adam was bad at remembering details when it came to his friends, but he’d learnt by heart Ronan’s likes and dislikes (so, so many). It was childish, but it never came to be useful either so he could hide it for as long as he wanted, most likely forever. That was why he kept wondering why he wasted his time calling Ronan when he knew he wouldn’t pick up the phone or text him back but he still did it, he’d eventually see it.

“Is 9 ok?” He pressed ‘send’ and didn’t wait for a response. Instead he sat on his desk to work on his English homework. He couldn’t remember what he needed to do because he’d been distracted the entire class by Ronan’s eyes on the back of his neck. He wouldn’t stop looking at him just to get on his nerves, but instead of doing that, it made Adam remember the amazing way his dry lips against Ronan’s felt.

Ronan’s kisses were soothing, sometimes aggressive and hot, but most of the time calming. He found himself forgetting things and getting lost on sensation when Ronan touched him and held him in his arms whispering stupid things to him.

In general, spending time with Ronan did stupid things to him.

Ronan didn’t answer.

At eight thirty Adam decided he’d listen to Blue’s advice even if it didn’t make sense and he’d go talk to Ronan. Ronan would never admit they were a thing, since whatever they had had only been going on for about two weeks, but the uncertainty was killing Adam. He knew Ronan really liked him, and by now he was sure he liked him back, or at least he enjoyed his kisses way too much to be just a friendly thing. Ronan always took the time to say “no homo” and laugh at him after making out.

Gansey was so oblivious it made it incredibly easier for him to go up to Ronan’s room. Gansey’d said he wasn’t there but while he waited maybe they could discuss the last things he’d talked about with Professor Mallory. Adam, for the first time in his life, had recognised he was too tired to focus on something like that and had simply gone to Ronan’s room to wait for him. What was he waiting for? Did he want hot kisses and quick hands? Did he want a friend to listen? Did he want Ronan Lynch to stand in front of him, emotionless, as he explained each of his doubts? He was being stupid, but Ronan would have the answers he’d never find.

Or so he thought. He’d thoroughly planned the conversation, playing it in his head until he tired of it, but Ronan was full of surprises so it didn’t really make sense he’d wasted that much time going over it. He’d done it just to find the courage to go to Monmouth to see Ronan with no excuses whatsoever.

Ronan closed the door behind him and sat in silence next to Adam. He looked relaxed whereas Adam’s back and shoulders were as tense as they could get after hours of work and endless questioning.

“Am I real?” He asked to break the silence and Ronan smirked because he got the question. His understanding of it was completely different though. Adam didn’t mean to ask whether he was a dream or not, he didn’t want to know if being the magician would turn him into something else or if he wouldn’t get to live the mundane successful life he’d planned for himself. Ronan thought of his mother, his father and Matthew. He thought of ravens, churches and so much blood he had to close his eyes for a minute. Ronan’s kind of real was different, way more intense that Adam’s. “For you, I mean”.

Ronan’s touch had always been reassuring, though they’d never been that close. Gansey was the only thing they had in common, because Aglionby couldn’t count. Ronan was the opposite of Adam in many ways, but they were the same when it came to the responsibilities they had. Both of them wanted desperately to find a home, a place where they belonged. Both of them had fought so hard to stay alive in such different ways sometimes Adam forgot Ronan’s scars screamed _war_ as much as his did.

 “You’re the most real thing I’ve seen in my life” Ronan answered as he sat straighter on the bed. Adam sighed shakily and turned his head with a confused expression. Ronan was an enigma he was willing to solve and he’d already given so much of him to do it without noticing. “Are you going to help me with homework, or what?” He asked a few seconds later pretending he didn’t know he was blushing, with a scowl.

Hours later Ronan had learnt nothing, but he had to recognise he loved the way Adam looked when he was focused on something he liked. He loved the way he looked at him when he nodded, he loved how he looked when he was frustrated, when he was slightly mad, when he was Adam. He loved him and it made him feel so content he kept coughing to hide his stupid smile.

He'd done a few exercises to prove Adam he’d actually understood something which had actually proven he’d always known what Adam had been talking about for the last few hours. Adam looked defeated but he made no further comment after Ronan pressed a kiss to his cheek before pushing him off his chair. Adam complained about a potential future bruise in that moment, but he didn’t when Ronan pressed his fingers into his ribs over the thin fabric of his shirt as he kissed him.

Ronan needed to touch him, he needed to make sure it wasn’t a dream and Adam let him do it without a word. He liked the way his fingers splayed on his chest as he lied on his back and Ronan liked the way he whispered “ _ronan”_ when his hands went too close to his crotch.

They stayed like that, kissing each other lazily as the time passed, interrupted by Noah asking if they were okay from outside. He was sincerely worried, he said.

 

_four_

Ever since Adam had known Ronan Monmouth had been his home, or at least that was what he said. He never talked too much about his parents because it was complicated, and now he knew the truth he got how incredibly complicated it really was. Ronan loved his brothers in a particular way it was hard to understand for Gansey and he went to mass every Sunday with both of them, which only gave him a sense of emptiness when he went back to Monmouth, missing feeling like he was home. Not that home had to do with Declan, but he knew he shared things with him he didn’t with Adam or Gansey.

Home never meant a lot for Adam. He was used to a trailer park he hated, he was used to sharing a trailer with people he hated but he’d never felt homesick, he’d never felt like he needed to spend time in there because he couldn’t find any good memories in it. There was nothing he wanted to see or relive whenever he went back so when he left the only thing that left with him was his love for his mother that’d never leave him even though he hoped it extinguished with the time because he couldn’t deal with the guilt it brought.

The only places he’d feel slightly comfortable in were Monmouth and 300 Fox Way -sometimes-. He felt part of something bigger, something important where he had a place, not that he knew if that was supposed to be home, but he thought maybe he wanted to stay there and that was enough. Those were the only places he didn’t usually want to run away from.

But then Ronan’s words had taken his breath away and he’d found an entire fucking universe trapped in his head with so many possibilities. The forest was important for him too, sure, but nothing was as incredible as the Barns. The Barns were such a part of Ronan Adam still couldn’t believe how comfortable he looked in there.

No one would’ve ever imagined Ronan Lynch loved living in a farm and working there, not even Adam who knew him better than most. The BMW looked strangely out of place parked there when Ronan wasn’t in it but it was a part of the whole adventure that being with Ronan was.

It was a weird place for Adam, too. It brought memories of their first kiss, lazy make out sessions, moments they’d had to stop themselves and he wished they could make a bunch of new memories in the future. It was weird to feel that hopeful but he liked how close he felt to Ronan when they were at the Barns.

He knew it’d take him a long time to figure out what was hiding at the Barns, though he could see dream objects everywhere. Ronan said there were more somewhere, and he was working on getting things to work. He trusted him to do it, but it was so new to him every time he parked outside the Barns he felt like he was stepping on it for the first time. It was important to him, because it was important to Ronan and that was what counted.

But he still had to figure out what was home for him. He didn’t care if he never found it, he was okay living without it as long as he had his friends and a decent education.

He loved seeing Ronan live so quietly and calm, no signs of anger in his face despite his feigned annoyance at everything Adam did. That day Adam was nervous, though. They’d been a thing for a while, sure, but they’d never spent a night together, much less at the Barns which was the one and only home of Ronan Lynch. It made him dizzy.

He’d done someone else’s shift on Monday so he’d be able to spend the night without having to get out of bed at six in the morning, and he’d made sure his homework was done by the time he left St. Agnes after a quick shower.

He tried to look casual as he parked the Hondayota next to Ronan’s BMW, but he failed as soon as Ronan smirked at him. He knew it’d make Adam smile awkwardly and he enjoyed that way too much. Adam never said out loud Ronan liked trying to embarrass him way too much for someone who blushed as much as he did.

They spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch watching an old VHS of Alice in Wonderland dreamt by Ronan when he was a kid. Adam was sure it would make no sense whatsoever, and it actually hadn’t. Opal had been impressed nevertheless and she asked for a dress like Alice’s when the film finished. Adam wondered if Cabeswater had ever been Ronan’s wonderland. He laughed at how childish that sounded and then he remembered that after all the things they’d gone through he felt older than the rest of his classmates.

He’d had a million ten minute accidental naps with Ronan –and on Ronan-, but they’d never actually shared a bed. It made him feel too domestic and it made Ronan think of their future. Adam would leave for college soon which meant he’d feel lonely since Gansey, Cheng and Blue were leaving too. Each of them had a different plan and it was nice to think he’d be there whenever they chose to come back to Henrietta, or as close to Henrietta as they could get.

Seeing Ronan shirtless wasn’t new to him but it still made him take a deep breath as he tried to change without making his embarrassment obvious. He reconsidered. He was definitely still young and naive in one way or another. They took turns to use the bathroom and then they went to bed.

It was weird, sharing a bed with someone because you wanted to. It didn’t make him uncomfortable because Ronan was careful and whenever Adam fell asleep he’d be as silent as he could just so he’d get some rest after endless hours of school and work. They made it work this time, though. None of them fell asleep automatically, they simply talked about their weeks looking into each other’s eyes. Ronan kissed Adam’s forehead and cheeks and nose before he let him fall asleep at about two in the morning after talking about everything and nothing and making out.

He loved how Ronan liked placing his hands on his waist when they kissed and he’d slowly learnt to relax and touch him too. He kept his hands on the nape of Ronan’s neck or between his shoulder blades for no reason, he felt like maybe he could pull him even closer if he tried hard enough. He was used to slow kisses, filthy and hot kisses, hearing Ronan moan and himself curse because fuck, when he’d heard kissing could make you feel dizzy he hadn’t believed that but Ronan, oh Ronan, he made him feel like he was melting. He was used to teeth biting his lower lip hard, sometimes drawing blood and he whispered Ronan’s name into his mouth every time Ronan bit him hard, he was used to _too fast_ and not being able to breathe properly and ignored hard-ons and shaking limbs trying not to make the other moan louder. They hadn’t talked about it but it was some sort of agreement between them.

So Ronan was okay when Adam whispered on his ear ‘ _sorry’_ shifting on the bed as they spooned. Ronan just shrugged and moved closer to Adam as he blushed because he could feel his erection on his thigh. They fell asleep shortly afterward.

Adam woke up the next morning trapped between Ronan’s body and the bed sheets. He got out of bed to take a shower and have a cup of coffee to let Ronan sleep longer since he always woke up way too early used to his routine. Adam hoped to find Opal in the kitchen because she had a nonexistent sleeping schedule Ronan was trying to impose on her for her own sake, but she was on her way to her room when he closed the door to Ronan’s room behind him. He didn’t call after her to let her sleep; after all, she was just a kid.

The farm looked even more dreamlike in the morning with birds chirping outside and the sunlight making everything look so alive. He was sure Cabeswater was there, somehow. He spent the rest of his alone time examining impossible objects in the kitchen, some Ronan had shown him and some he’d never seen before, until Ronan walked into the kitchen himself looking for Adam.

“Morning” Adam said into his third cup of coffee and Ronan gestured something he didn’t quite get right. He waved him off to let him do whatever he’d meant.

He knew Ronan wasn’t exactly a morning person, but the problem wasn’t waking up. In his case, the problem was sleeping. When he didn’t want to dream he simply stopped sleeping and it made him kind of useless but it also put him on edge. He was glad he’d finally gotten some sleep after a week full of weird objects pulled out of his dreams.

By the time he finished his cup of coffee Ronan had walked back into the kitchen looking a little more alive, but still wearing his pyjamas. Adam loved/hated Ronan for wearing tank tops instead of actual pyjama tops. He’d memorised the visible parts of his tattoo thanks to that already and the way his arms looked when he leaned back on the kitchen counter but it still made something curl in his stomach every time he did it.

He left his empty mug on the table and went to sit next to Ronan on the counter. He was dying to pin him to it and he took an awkward step as he decided to send his façade to shit. Ronan jolted when Adam bit his lower lip before kissing him.

Adam’s hands were on his on top of the kitchen counter and Ronan moaned in frustration –and something else- when Adam nipped at his jaw and neck.

“Fuck” Adam muttered under his breath. He was so glad Ronan hadn’t succeeded at fixing Opal’s sleeping schedule yet. He moved his hands to palm at Ronan’s chest as he looked into his eyes trying to search for everything that made him _love_ Ronan.

“I wanna blow you” Ronan said before Adam could kiss him again and he groaned before Ronan turned them around and pinned him to the kitchen counter with his hands on his hips.

Adam cursed for the tenth time in five minutes when Ronan took his hand to his mouth and licked the tips of his middle and index finger, he sucked on them and let go of his hand when he felt Adam’s free hand squeeze his ass.

_Fuck,_ he wanted to touch him and kiss him everywhere. He wanted to let him know he looked perfect. He loved how he made him feel and so many things that got stuck in his throat when he saw him drop to his knees.

He unzipped his jeans, breathing shakily as he kept his eyes on Adam’s. “Shit, I’ve never done this, Parrish” He said, his hands working his jeans down his thighs.

Adam nodded in response, cupping his cheek and stroking the soft skin there. Slowly Ronan pushed his boxers down and breathed in before stroking him for a few seconds until he was fully hard. Adam’s eyes fluttered closed. After he pushed his hips forward Ronan sucked at the tip of his cock and he choked on a cry.

Ronan’s tongue was hot and wet on him. He took his time getting used to it and thinking of what to do next but Adam didn’t care. He thought everything Ronan did was fucking amazing. Ronan moved one of his hands to Adam’s thigh, rubbing his sensitive skin as his muscles tensed.

“Ronan” Adam whispered and opened his eyes to look at Ronan as he licked at the slit. The taste of precome made him moan around the tip of his cock and Adam fucking gasped feeling the vibration go through him. “You look so beautiful like that, baby”

Ronan was blushing so hard he thought he looked ridiculous, but Adam’s praise only encouraged him. He pressed his tongue under the head of Adam’s cock and he felt his own cock twitch at his words.

“You’re doing so well” He said and Ronan let go of him to press wet kisses to his thigh as he used his right hand to stroke himself slowly. “Yeah, touch yourself, come on. You’re such a good boy” Adam couldn’t tell he knew what he was doing but he saw Ronan’s reaction and he kept going because shit, Ronan was perfect on his knees.

He groaned when Ronan took him into his mouth again, swirling his tongue as he tried to get more of him into his mouth. He was being careful and Adam was in awe at the way Ronan looked at him. He felt overwhelmed as the warmth of Ronan’s mouth enveloped him and he thought of how Ronan was trying to convey his love through his eyes. 

Adam rested his hand on the nape of Ronan’s neck trying to keep him there and his hips still. Ronan pressed his tongue to the underside of his cock on the upstroke and let go of him with a wet pop. He moaned and changed the rhythm of his hand as his hips stuttered. Sucking Adam off made him feel on edge.

Adam’s grasp on the counter was white knuckled and he tried to keep himself still with Ronan’s hand on his hip as he swallowed him whole. “That’s it, Ronan. You’re perfect, you look so perfect sucking my cock” He was grateful the sound he made didn’t leave his mouth entirely as it went through Adam’s cock and he blushed when Adam moved his hand to his jaw. He took him deeper into his mouth and he bobbed his head a few times before going back to kissing the tip. He let go to nip at Adam’s hips when he could no longer use his hands to keep him still and Adam grasped himself. He rocked into his own hand feeling too close, too overwhelmed by Ronan’s fevered skin on his.

“Come for me, baby. I’m so close, Ronan, come for me” Adam said. Both their hands were shaking as they stroked themselves and Ronan came first, pressing his forehead to Adam’s thigh and closing his eyes until every muscle in his body relaxed. He tried to breathe evenly, but Adam’s legs were shaking and he thought they might give way as soon as he came. He quickly cleaned his own hand on the fabric of his pyjamas and replaced Adam’s hand with his, trying to do the same Adam was doing. It didn’t take long and when Adam came his entire body shook. He looked gorgeous.

When Adam looked down at Ronan, still on his knees and trying to catch his breath he thought of how we wanted to worship every part of him, show him how perfect he was and with hot kisses and endless praises let him know how strong what he felt was.

_five_

Adam was exhausted, he’d always been exhausted but this time it was a different kind of tiredness that made his eyes close. University was definitely a sort of challenge for him, but the satisfaction he got when he was sleep deprived because of studying made him feel like he was supposed to do that. He didn’t need to work long shifts anymore and fit infinite hours of studying into an impossible schedule, he was exhausted simply because he was living his dream.

He’d only taken a carry on with him, a small backpack since he’d left a bunch of his clothes at the Barns. Ronan had convinced him to invest some money on his wardrobe because he wouldn’t have a uniform anymore and most of his clothes looked shit anyways. He hadn’t taken the Hondayota with him either because Ronan was supposed to be at Arrivals, except he was getting a bit anxious because he didn’t see him.

He’d been away for two months, but he travelled every time he had enough time to do so. He knew he couldn’t do it on important exams periods or when he had too many assignments because, even though he loved studying, Ronan’s sinful mouth distracted him and he wouldn’t be able to do anything if he saw Ronan doing the most stupid things. Stupid things such as brewing coffee, arguing with Opal and working on the farm. He was still trying to find a way to figure out how to wake up the animals because he didn’t want to risk bringing his own just yet.

He missed him way too much not to notice the way he walked into the crowd, never apologising as he pushed people to get to Adam. Adam looked apologetically at the people Ronan had pushed and mouthed sorry at the crowd as a whole but he was sure no one really minded.

Ronan was all attitude and he was wearing all black. He’d shaved his head recently because his hair looked shorter than the last time he’d sent him a picture and he was wearing his favourite leather jacket. Sometimes he couldn’t believe he owned a farm, a raven, and more or less had a kid to look after. He’d grown used to all of that, though.

“Hey” Ronan said as soon as he was in front of him. Adam didn’t respond and he moved quickly to press a kiss to his forehead. He felt stupid for a second but then he saw Ronan’s easy smile and let himself be pulled into a tight hug. Being there with Ronan felt so different he just wanted to forget he only had a week to stay there.

His life was somewhere else but he’d always have his future waiting for him at the Barns. He could travel a million times back to campus but the Barns would always feel like home to him, no matter what the rest of the world had to offer. He’d come back for Ronan and Opal a thousand times. He’d kill his back sitting on a plane for a few hours every weekend he could manage just to feel like he had a place in a farm made of dreams.    

Sometimes he missed Monmouth and Ronan’s old room, he missed the ugly Camaro they’d been in so many times sharing secrets and magic, he even missed his tiny room at St. Agnes because what he and Ronan had had started there as much as it had at the Barns and in Monmouth. He didn’t miss Aglionby, though.

Ronan’s calloused hand took his to make their way out of the airport under the scowl of the same people Ronan had pushed on his way in. He laughed, because he knew Ronan was kind of a softie deep inside. He didn’t make a lot of sense, but he didn’t have to in order to be loved the way Adam loved him.

Driving with Ronan was a whole different enigma, though. He was used to his Hondayota despite how shitty it was and he sort of loved it, too. Ronan insisted he get a new car but Adam had too many memories he didn’t want to let go of now he’d given up everything that connected him to his past. He wanted to feel like Adam Parrish still so at least his academic success would feel more substantial.

Ronan was a fucking reckless driver, he didn’t care about other drivers and he hoped his car wouldn’t let him down. He was noisy and annoying to every person who didn’t know him, and his stubbornness made him feel so undeniably Ronan he smiled at him when he turned the volume up even if his good ear hurt a bit. He hated Ronan’s taste in music but he sang along to what he understood of the lyrics of ‘Kids’ by Sleigh Bells. Ronan knew the lyrics to the song too but he just huffed and rolled his eyes at Adam’s singing.

“Is Opal wearing shoes now?” Adam asked when they arrived at the Barns, hoping he’d see her soon.

“No, but she goes to bed early now and she’s getting used to reading in English, finally” Ronan answered. Adam knew she was kind of a nerd and he loved her even more for that. He’d bought her a book of weird fairy tales he’d never heard of but he knew she’d love to help her get better at reading since no one else spoke what she spoke.

He loved this place and how everyone who lived there seemed to be part of its magic. Adam didn’t feel like he did at all, but at least he was part of someone else’s magic and that was enough for him to feel content with where he was.

The week would go by way too quickly between movie marathons, sloppy hand jobs and, if they were lucky, uninterrupted sex. He couldn’t believe now both of them actually managed to sleep, except Ronan didn’t like sleeping that much when he was alone in case he brought a nightmare. He hadn’t in a while, but he’d never be able to forget what had happened to Adam in one of those nightmares.

He sipped at his iced tea and actually laughed when Ronan started cooking. He felt so different from that scared kid living in a trailer park getting hurt by his father every week, trying desperately to be someone, to hide his wounds. It was stupid to him now, because he’d always been someone. Ronan and Gansey and Blue and Noah had always seen him as someone special even when all he saw was someone who needed to do the impossible to be better. Now he trusted himself enough and he could look at his own reflection without wanting to crawl out of his skin.

At the Barns he was finally free, but more than that, Ronan made him feel like himself whenever he called him ‘asshole’ or ‘Parrish’ or ‘babe’. He was so glad he’d found a way to save himself from Robert, from Cabeswater and from his own expectations.

 

_\+ one_

 

Ronan always hated uniforms. Ties made him feel like he was choking and button ups were an awful idea thinking of the weather in Henrietta. Aglionby was an awful idea from all points of view, though. He more or less thought the same of college, but he understood other people’s love for education. He didn’t feel like he needed any more from what he already had, the Barns was enough for him and now he actually owned his money so he was just fine. He’d tried his hardest to finish school but it’d been too much for him and he was glad at least his little brother got that.

He hated college too. People had too many interests and they had to spend so much time stressing over them it didn’t seem natural for him to enjoy something that made you want to kill yourself so many times a year. He got it from Adam, because he’d always had more expectations than the rest of the world, but he didn’t understand why Blue wanted to study and spend the rest of her life doing the same thing over and over again after only having read books on it. After Adam took the time to explain it to him he’d understood, except he’d answered “I’m not stupid”.

He’d parked the BMW somewhere he thought was close to the dorms where Adam was but the campus was too big and he’d gotten lost. He’d had to ask for directions and people had stared at him for looking so defensive when he was looking for the dorms. He was still a little bit too awkward figuring out to react in front to people but it didn’t make his life any more difficult so he kept enjoying being the king of deadpan as long as he could.

He’d called Adam before to make sure he’d be there but he wouldn’t call him again just to ask how to get there, he’d figure it out eventually even if it took him a few hours.

He thought of everyone that crossed his path as unhelpful assholes as he walked. His leather jacket was unhelpful too, but he found his way to Adam’s room and knocked on the door hoping he was still waiting for him.

He’d driven for hours listening to loud music and spent way too much time of his drive thinking of what he’d do to Adam when he got his hands on him. His thoughts switched to their life at the Barns and he cursed under his breath for turning into such a cliché. He was in love with every part of Adam, even the annoying side of him. He loved Adam even when he was snoring into the pillow and it made him laugh because fuck, he’d grown used to living the most mundane things with him and even that meant a lot.

“Hey, is Parrish here?” The guy looked at him considering his appearance. Ivy League, he thought and tapped his fingers on the door waiting for an answer.

“Yeah. Hi, I’m Ben” The guy smiled and offered a hand. Ronan didn’t take it but nodded in response because he knew even if he looked like an ass he was Adam’s friend and though he’d never recognise it out loud he trusted his judgement. “New friend or something? It’s weird to see Adam hanging out with other people” He continued letting Ronan into the room. He sat on the black couch in the middle of the room after making sure Adam knew there was somebody waiting for him.

“Boyfriend,” Ronan answered. He didn’t sit on the sofa because he wasn’t planning on spending time in the room, at least not with them, really. He’d make Adam walk as much as he’d had just to get his revenge. “Lynch”

“Shit, you’re the mythical boyfriend” Ben answered standing up and opening the door to the other room that didn’t belong to him or Adam. “Guys, the boyfriend’s real” Ronan didn’t want to laugh but he did anyway.

“Hey, the boyfriend’s real” Adam startled him walking out of his room. It still surprised him how Adam didn’t look dead still living in a tiny room and using most of his time to study. He gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Hey!” He said more to himself than to Ronan and went back to hug him this time. He was too tired to react because he still had a final left.

 “Hey” Ronan answered after letting go and giving him a quick kiss. In a few hours he’d be free for at least a week and he was so glad he’d have enough time to enjoy an empty dorm with Ronan.

“Roommates, Ronan” Adam continued pointing to the group of three guys looking incredulously at Ronan as if they couldn’t believe he was the farmer. No one believed that.

“I’m gonna trust you on this, Lynch” Ben said before going back to the couch with the rest of his roommates. “We’re all leaving tomorrow so I really hope you don’t fuck in our beds” He added jokingly.

Ronan stared at him until everybody’s smile disappeared and then he smiled brightly at Adam before kissing his cheek and going into his room. He deserved a nap.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to write more on these two to get some practice, so bear with me through my endless rambling. I just hope someday I can write sex scenes without taking five years to finish them & I hope you enjoyed, your support is always well received. Have a nice weekend, everybody.


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